On a bunk bed in Koh Toa, Thailand

Fat Tires and Cigarettes

"...most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of the people around you."

--Anne Lamott

There have been few times in my life where God felt near, and even fewer (possibly never) when He was tangible, at least in how I expected He would feel. I don't know why, but I have always pictured me hand in hand with Jesus walking along the ocean on a quiet beach. Probably some sort of Christian commercialism. I think I saw it on a bookmark from Mardel. That has never happened, though if Heaven is close to a beach...I won't complain.

This is what I have learned in my short 25 years of knowing everything (which to the teens out there who haven't learned, it means you actually know nothing). God does not touch us often, in the dreamy sense, but He does use friends and family to lift our Spirits or bring a small glimmer of hope. A glimmer is all you need most days. Humanity has quite the knack for survival.  

When we feel so beaten and defeated, and in the moment you feel life can't get worse (you try and remind yourself of others stories of pain, though comparing gets us nowhere). God gives you a chin up. A friend sends a text reminding you what you mean to them, someone buys you a cup of coffee or whatever glimpse of love is needed. It is a funny dichotomy. A God so able, mostly chooses to let humanity choose to love each other. That's weird and oh so sweet at the same time.

It is good to remember to ask for encouragement. There is no shame in that. 

And to end this blog, another word from Annie...

"Hope is not about proving anything. It’s about choosing to believe this one thing: that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us."

GOD is love, so that's a good word. 

*Sorry for the use of language.

The sun has set pink and blue

The good times are just memories now

I have to let go somehow

Our paths have separated to something new

I've struck out on my own 

To an adventure unknown

I will never forget

I will never regret

But it's time to move on

I know I have to say goodbye

But no matter how hard I try I can't deny it

No I can't fight it

Even through all the hurt

Even through all the pain 

I'm trustin in your name

The sun will rise again

Friends will go but they will always come

and I know that I will never be alone 

You are the only one I can rely on

“No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?"
-Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts


There has been a few things that have happened recently that have brought about a nagging thought; like the car alarm down the street that just won't turn off. Life is short. I have come to believe it is something about turning 25. I want to do this thing to the fullest and with everything in me, but I have a few questions (actually, I have many questions, but here's a few).


How do you balance knowing when it is a time to earn money and the desire to get in my car and drive? I want to see this beautiful country. How do you balance others expectations and your desire to be you? It seems so much like a fight sometimes. My fists are up, ready to punch and block. 

H-O-M-E

Hi there! I just wanted to let you know I am back on Oklahoma soil. For those of you that have followed my journey to New Zealand and Thailand, thank you. Now for a new chapter in Tulsa.

Sometimes goodbye can be a beautiful word to say

a cup of earl grey

One important thing to learn to do well as you get older is bringing times or seasons to a close. To learn to transition well into the new and actually say goodbye to people, places, or whatever needs the goodbye so you can move on.

It is the hardest part about doing a DTS with YWAM. Sure, there can be other hard parts about it; culture shock, living with the same people for an extended period (and usually people you would not pick), and all the other things thrown your way, but none compares to saying goodbye and going home.
Home, where either nothing has changed or too much has changed it doesn't seem like the same place. It is always pleasant when both are experienced at the same time.

I am back in the stunningly, beautiful New Zealand. A place so close to my heart it is almost worth a tattoo. A permanent art piece marking my time here, so that I never forget. Don't pee your pants, Parents, I will not be doing it, notice the word "almost."

I am planning on transitioning well from my time here to Tulsa. Who knows though, stuff comes at you that you never plan.

Ending with a fantastic quote...
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” 
― Anne Lamott